A Strange Close

It was a strange close to the year 2007. Kym was cutting up some carrots for a dinner dish with a brand new, shiny, sharp knife when she slipped up and cut a huge chunk of her finger damn-near plum off. We wrapped it in a dry cloth, called her sister to come watch the kids, and headed off to the emergency room.

This bastard was bleeding like mad, but Kym is one tough chick and managed to stay strong through 5 or 6 shots, several of which injected directly into her finger and open wound. (Yea, thats when I looked away.) They wrapped it up by sewing the dangler back to the digit. She goes back in 10 days to get the stitches removed and see if the dangler wants to grow back or if they are going to lob that shit off. Fun times. Thanks a lot, 2007.

Kym was pissed. Stupid carrots.

So that was my exciting New Years Eve. My 6 year old tried staying up until midnight. She gave up willingly at 11:15 after seeing Hannah Montana on Dick Clark/Ryan Secrest show. Everyone else pooped out long ago.

I sit alone listening to Frank Black, Gang of Four, and Madvillain as I continue to fill up the iPod. I'm not complaining, though. Current day aside, it's been a good year and I look forward to the next with motivation, a renewed spirit . . . and a fear of knives.

The Oats (not as in Hall & . . .)

My lovely wife, Kymberly, and I sat down today and made plans for the whole family to eat better. I'm really excited that she is not only supporting me in this, but committing our whole family to a healthier lifestyle as well.

This time last year we made a similar commitment to eating organically and locally whenever possible. We are lucky to have a Wild Oats grocery store in town which is an amazing grocery store. Unfortunately, it's also amazingly expensive and with five people to feed we just couldn't hack the bill.

Now due to the great fortunes that 2007 has brought us we are better equipped and prepared to give the organic/local diet another shake. Our Wild Oats is now converting over to a Whole Foods, but it seems to be the same as ever. I'm excited to stop dining out as much and to eat a largely organic diet. I know some people don't buy into all the hype, but I noticed a great difference in how my body felt this time last year and I'm thrilled to be pushing my shopping cart amongst patchouli smelling hippies and the English Lit moms.

They say you wanna resolution . . .

With only a few more days left in 2007, I've begun work on compiling ideas for my New Year Resolution. I know it's trite and an all around pretty dumb idea to have a resolution, but for me it's what defines New Years as a holiday. Santa brings gifts, the Easter bunny brings baskets full of crap and Baby New Year brings new beginnings, a clean slate, and a good time to "try it again."

They say it's best to focus on one resolution, and if They say it then it must be true. So instead of having 14, which is what i just jotted down on paper, I'm gonna say I have one big one with many parts. My resolution is to live a more active life. This isn't confined to just physical activity either as sub categories of my resolution include reading one magazine a day and writing one old-fashioned letter per week. Physical activity, mind you, is still a big part of it.

And yes, running the Tulsa Run is still the primary goal of the new year. I just know that to get to that point I have to change more than just what I eat. I have to change my entire lifestyle, and right now that means going from sedentary to active.

It's Smaller Than a Candy Bar . . .

So I've heard from television, that trusty source of infotainment, that addicts often replace one addiction for another. And while I'm sure no addiction is without its faults, at least my latest won't kill me. Internets, I'm addicted to the iPod.

I finally joined the masses of tech savvy individuals, and all the twenty-somethings at my work, when my lovely family got me an iPod for xmas. Not just any iPod, mind you, but the big daddy 160GB one that Apple just released a few months ago.

Those of you that know me know that I have an embarrassingly large CD collection. So my recent nights have been filled by slowly importing disc after disc trying to load my little pocket-sized friend with rad tunes. Oddly enough, the more tunes I put into it, the iPod stays the same size. If only it worked that way with my burritos and my belly.

Anyhow, I'm hoping this iPod is my new weight-loss friend. I'll channel my burger-eating energy into importing CDs, I'll spend my lunch break on emusic and itunes rather than El Guapos and The Brook, and I'll take it exercising of course. I honestly think I could run or walk for hours listening to this thing loaded with my whole music collection-- over 2,000 CDs-- all strapped to my flabby arm.

on the absence of one fat guy with a hollow promise . . .

We'll . . .I'm a
burrito craving,
belt breaking,
whole pizza eating,
heavy wine drinking,
Christmas Eve puker,
Christmas Party Pooper,
excuse making,
cake baking,
belly shaking,
earth quaking,
tubby complainer,
massive weight gainer,
lard bucket of lies,
thunder thighs,
turkey leg walker,
a real shit talker,
2-5-2- logger,
world's worst blogger,
Internets, I've said it and I'll say it again,
please stay with me, my friend.
Don't give up hope.
True-- I'm on the food crack dope,
but I'm not a food crack whore.
I won't knock on your door,
asking for a score,
asking for more
of your xmas leftovers,
your Stovetop Stovers,
but I might
yes I might
ask you to read my post again
as I'm on the mend.
So your clicks you must send,
O' my friend,
O' my friend,
O' my internets friend.

Wednesday Weigh-In: Thursday Edition

Alright, internets, I admit; I weighed yesterday, but I was just too ashamed to post anything. However, after receiving several guilt trips from friends and readers, I thought it best to post-- no matter what. I've made a habit of only posting on the days I've done good, but if this is to be a true chronicle of my experiences I should include the struggles and missteps.

So here goes: (By the way, I didn't even weigh last week. . .)

2 Weeks Ago: 338
This Week: 345
2 Week Weight Gain: +7 Pounds
Total Weight "loss": +2 Pounds

Now, listen-- I might not weigh 345 precisely as I was actually holding an Arby's sack full of a crispy chicken sandwich and medium curly fries when I hopped up on the scale. I believe I even had a hold of a large Dr. Pepper as well. (My buddy Mike P. was witness if you don't believe my shameful tale.)

Either way, dear readers, I blew it and I blew it hard. One eating-holiday and a centennial celebration later and this fat dude is off his game. Don't lose faith in me yet, however. I've taken several beatings from not only myself, but from good friends as well and I think my self-flagellating is almost complete.

Although it looks like the holidays are gonna be harder than I thought.

"Is Anthrax Bad?"

So is coffee bad? I hear that water is best, that caffeine will only mess with your metabolism in wrong ways and dehydrate you on top of all else. When I drink coffee, though, I'm pretty sure it kicks up my metabolism. Without getting too graphic, I'll just say that the proof is in the fact that coffee sends me to the "25216" quicker than anything. I also have more energy throughout the morning which I would assume means I am burning more calories as well. Is this backwards thinking or am I on to something?

Please enlighten. If my theory is true, a damn fine cup of coffee could become the new kick-start to my day.

Back on Track, or Back-Fat on Track?

Okay, so my discipline is horrible, both with the blog and with the diet. Trips out of town, long work hours, four day weekends, holidays, and any other excuse I can think of has made setting a diet and exercise routine nearly impossible. I recognize, however, that there are no excuses and if I'm really going to do this thing I've got to commit completely, wholeheartedly, and sans excuses.

I have to say, this is about the time I usually give up on "diets." I'm sure it's biological, but after a month of eating better my body turns against me. It craves all the things I've been consuming over the last 10+ years and sends messages to my brain that "it's okay this once," "might as well enjoy the weekend," "aw, hell, just make it next month."

I know that I have to re-educate my body, mind, emotions, spirit-- every fiber that is me-- to convert these cravings into the Will Power that I'm gonna need to change my lifestyle. If you've been though it, hopefully you understand what I'm saying. It's not as easy as simply putting down the cheeseburger and running around the block. There is no "just do it." It's a fight between who I've become and who I want to be, and at this point in time the smelly, chubby, burrito-eating bastard is kicking some serious ass.

Starting Again

Sorry for the absence of posts. It was an extremely hectic weekend, but Oklahoma has indeed turned 100. We are officially an old bastard and I, along with many others, can get back to the daily routine.

I have to admit that I pretty much fell off the chuckwagon this last weekend, but today I am back on track. I ate breakfast, had soup and salad for lunch, and plan to work out later today. I'm glad I didn't cheat for too long. It was my lost weekend in The Gut and my old stomping grounds of the Oh-Kay-See, but all is good now. I'm here . . . focused . . . and ready to get small.

More to come tomorrow.

And please send me ideas on working out. I do not have a gym membership yet, although I am working on it. Please send me your ideas for getting exercise at home, preferably late at night when the family is asleep, when I would otherwise sit on my computer downloading songs and posting raunchy messages on the internets.

Thursday Night in The Gut

Well, I'm here in Guthrie with OTN for the big Statehood Day celebration. My friend and OTN Audio Thug, Brandon, is the crown prince of Guthrie. Sometime he refers to his hometown as "The Gut." For that reason alone I wanna hang out here. A guy like me belongs in a town called The Gut.

"Hey, Fat Dude, where do live-- The Gut?"
"Actually, sir, I do live in The Gut. Now can I please have my burger back?"

Historic Downtown Guthrie is amazing and if you've never been here you should really check it out. If you are into history, especially turn of the century stuff, you'd really dig it. There is a certain vibe about the place that seperates it from other towns in Oklahoma. Unfortunatly, I've spent way too much time in a Satellite truck staring at monitors to describe it any better than this. Take at look at our video of The Gut for it does a much better job:

Wednesday Weigh-In Part 3

OK this is kinda sad, but here goes:

Original Weight: 343lbs
Last Week: 339lbs
This Week: 338lbs
One Week Loss: 1 pound
Total Loss: 5 Pounds

I guess that's not so bad. Like I said before, I need to start exercising and doing some actually running/walking before I see big results, but 5 pounds isn't too shabby either. Right?

PROCRASTINATION!!... cha cha cha...

Not much to say tonight really. Having motivation and procrastination problems. I go to Guthrie then Oklahoma City starting in two days for work. I keep telling myself I will do better once I get back to Tulsa on Saturday, but I partly feel like I am just procrastinating. Why didn't I exercise yesterday or today? I could have fit it in. I feel like I'm slowly edging back into bad habits and I've got to nip it in the bud quickly. Tomorrow I weigh and I fear bad things . . .

Musical Recommendation and Inspiration

Okay, so this isn't necessarily weight-loss related, but I just watched the Austin City Limits featuring Arcade Fire and it's all I can think about. Not only is it one of the best Austin City Limits I've seen, but it is simply one of the best concert videos I've seen in a long time. If you live in Oklahoma, it comes on OETA again on Thursday night, otherwise check your local listings. You gotta watch it.

The music is great, of course, but the physical energy of every member during the performance is amazingly fun to watch. I'm sure they are great live and in person, but watching it on the tube was an experience in itself.

As someone who directs an occasional live performance, I greatly admire the production of this show too. The production of the program equally matched the bands energy and quality and it was just great fun all around.

I must say, I do find this weight-loss related, too. I get inspired the most from music. A great song can capture the many layered complexities of life, bundle it up in a 3 minute tune, and make you feel that anything is possible.

I feel refreshed.

A Campaign Promise

If I don't meet my goal of running in the Tulsa Run, I will slide down this slide wearing nothing but cut-offs and an Eazy-E T-shirt.

Tomatos . . .

. . . not just an integral part of a balanced diet, but an essential element in the portrayal of Mr. Tomato Eyes.

Road Trip

Kids love Pops!

Not too much to report diet wise. We took a road trip today to the Omniplex in OKC and Pops in Arcadia. From there we drove all the way home on Route 66. Screw the turnpike, it was a great time. Route 66 in the fall during sunset is simply gorgeous.

The kids had a great time at the O-plex and Pops was a pleasant surprise as well. And in case you're wondering, yes I had the chicken fried steak. C'mon it's Route 66! Michael Wallis would kick my ass if I only ordered salad.

The Day in Pictures

Eating right is hard.

I'm surrounded by devilish goodness.

It's The Brook . . . there's gonna be cheese.

What the hell are you looking at, antique scale that rolls over at 300lbs.

Day 10: The Wednesday Weigh-In

It's been a week since I weighed myself. I haven't started exercising yet so anything I've lost is strictly from changing my diet. So let's see where I stand:

Last Week: 343
This Week: 339
Total Loss: 4 Pounds!

So there it is-- 4 Big Ones. Not a lot, but slow and steady wins the race.

I have brought down my calorie intake significantly. I shouldn't gain any more, but to lose what I've already got I'm going to have to exercise.

I probably sound like I'm making excuses, but next week I'm in Guthrie and OKC for Statehood Day and Centennial Celebration so it's a bad time to start a new routine. I'm gonna make it my goal though to start something regular the week after. November 19th I'll take it to another level, kick it up a notch, throw it into high gear, and any other cliches I can think of.

Oh shit. . .that's Thanksgiving week . . .well a dude's gotta start sometime.

According to the healthatoz.com my body mass index (BMI) is 49.2. Is that a percentage? Does that mean I'm half-fat? I guess it's true.

That's probably pretty accurate considering this site says my ideal weight should be about 150 pounds. So basically I gotta lose more than half of me-- about 170 lbs to be "ideal."

Here is a list of things that also weigh 170 pounds:

1. 21 gallons of goat's milk
2. Nicole Richie 9 months pregnant
3. Six 3-Year-Olds
4. 2.5 toilets
5. 2,720 ounces of tabbouleh
6. 3 baby buffalo or 1/10th of an adult male
   

A Big Thanks. . .

Thank you for all of the well wishes about Kym's grandma. Your thoughts and comments been deeply appreciated.

On a much lighter note, thank you also for the feedback I've received via email, MySpace, and the comments section on this blog about my mission here. Your comments are very encouraging. My will power is weak, but I am a media whore and if I know people are watching then I will likely stay focused and pull this thing through. I'm shallow like that.

I have lost weight already, but I'm gonna wait until Wednesday to share how much (and make sure I can keep it off.) The Wednesday Weigh-In will probably be a regular feature here. I used to weigh myself everyday, but it fluctuates so much I think it is more useful to weigh once a week.

I promise to get more creative with these posts over time. I want it to be entertaining for everyone so you'll have a reason to come back other than keeping track of how many burritos I consume. I also plan on starting actual real-life exercise soon so that'll bring good posts and pictures I'm sure.

Sorry that my quick thanks turned into a long ramble, but I tend to overdo things-- like eating and sitting still for long periods of time.

The Sunday Sucks

I planned on getting some exercise via manual labor today. My garage is a complete pit and in dire need of a junk exorcism. However, after taking full advantage of daylight savings time, I woke up late. Then I got sucked into watching Narnia with the kids. So, of course, I went ahead and waited until after lunch before tackling the garage. Unfortunately, I only got a fraction of it done and it remains a pit.

None of this matters, however, because it's all meaningless compared to the devastating news we received this morning. Kym's grandmother, Grandma Pacha, had a massive stroke overnight. She is still alive, but at 92 years old that life is forever altered. Please keep Grandma Pacha, Grandpa Burt, and all their many kids and grand-kids in your thoughts during the next days, weeks, months, and quite possibly years ahead.

Getting Fed on the Mother Road

I love all the great attractions along Oklahoma's stretch of Route 66. You can find so many great things to do and lots of great locally owned places to eat. However, for a dude trying to lose weight, it's a great challenge trying to find something light to eat at these great diners.

Okay, maybe it's not as hard to find something as it is to not want something else. I'm an Okie, I love a good Chicken Fried Steak (hereafter referred to as CFS). Sometimes I even like my CFS on a bun served with mayonnaise, lettuce, and pickles-- a CFS Sandwich. So when the family and I went to Ollie's today it took everything I had not to order said CFS Sammy. Yes, my friends, I refrained and got Salad Bar.

TJ's Waistline- 1
Chicken Fried Steak- 0

A Pie Chart (Mmmmm. . .Pie)

Found a really good resource today online about race training for the novice. It is at HalHigdon.com. There is a 15k Training Guide that includes a daily routine you start 10 weeks before the race. Since I am not athletic at all I think I am going to first train for a 5k race. That is an 8 week program so luckily I'm giving myself enough time. I haven't set a goal yet for the 5k race, but I'm hoping to do one in the next 6 months, spending the last half of the year training for the 15k.

I feel good after reading the training guides. It actually seems feasible. Of course, it all looks easy on paper, but when I waddle my ass outside and begin to run it's going to be a different story. I don't think I've ever ran 1 mile, let alone 3 (5k).

I mean, does this look like a dude ready to run 9.3 miles? 3 miles? 1 mile?

And if you were about to eat, I sincerely apologize.

Day 3: Trick or Treat. Can't See My Feet

Been out trick or treating with the kids and I'm beat so this one's gonna be short.

I thought I would periodically have basic posts on what I ate that day, my current weight, and exercise or running length. Let this be the first of those.

Breakfast: A frozen spicy chicken sandwich.

Lunch: 3/4 of a small Hideaway pizza and a salad.

Dinner: Leftover Cheeseburger and some chips.

Snacks: Oh c'mon, it's Halloween. I obviously ate a handful or two of candy. (pssst. . . click on this link for something awesome.)

Exercise: Walked about 4 blocks (while trick or treating).

Current Weight: Still 343

Obviously I am off to a poor start. I thought I'd do better than this. It helps seeing it typed out like that though. The day's meals look even worse when stacked together like that. This has really put things in focus.

Tomorrow I must do better.

A Palindrome of Pounds (The First Weigh-In)

343! Three hundred and forty-three frickin' pounds. A palindrome of pounds. That's my current weight according to the awesome vintage, yet accurate, scale in the lobby of the 320 S. Boston Building in beautiful downtown Tulsa.



It probably doesn't help that I gave into the one-two punch and what will be my biggest weakness during this whole process.

1. "Where do you want to go for Lunch?"
2. Mexican Food

Number 1 is the question I hear almost daily at the end of our newscast. I can't resist an invitation from co-workers to socialize and escape the workplace for a good hour (usually more).

Number two is my usual answer to question 1 and the primary reason why I don't support a crackdown on illegal immigration. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I would eat my weight in burritos.

I wonder how many burritos it takes to equal 343 pounds anyway? If only I'd been keeping count. . .

The Plan

Okay. So I got an idea on Saturday as I lay in the grass along Brookside sweaty and out of breath. I had just walked about a mile and a half up and down Peoria as the kids took part in the annual Boo-Ha-Ha celebration and I saw an older gentleman proudly wearing a Tulsa Run t-shirt picked up at the race he undoubtedly participated in earlier that morning. I knew instantly what had to be done. My ass needed to be in that race.

I have 3 small children and all the physical, mental, and emotional challenges/rewards that come with that. In less than 6 months I'll be turning 30 and in all honesty, without a major change I'll be dead long before another 30 passes by. I'm well over 300 pounds and the hight of my physical activity is a toss-up between putting my shoes on and walking from the car to my workplace.

As you can see, running in a 15k race a year from now seems laughable, probably impossible. I don't even know if it is a realistic goal, but I've got to give it a shot. So here I am, tracking my progress for all the world or at least for 12 of my closest friends and wackos who like to see pics of a chubby white dude with his shirt off. I've also asked my buddy Erin to help me document it on video so stay tuned for updates on that front as well

I don't have a diet plan, I don't have an exercise plan, and I sure as hell don't have a running plan, but I do have a plan for survival. At this point it's all I need.